Baby Carriage Full of Beercans: 01/25/2004 - 02/01/2004

Baby Carriage Full of Beercans

Assfulls of goodness.

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Location: New York, New York, United States

There's nothing sadder than an aging hipster. That's why I've been so uncool all these years.

Friday, January 30

Graphic Design

Annoying and Overdone Elements and Phrases Associated with Graphic Design.

Diagonal Arrows - Honestly, it served no purpose to begin with. Who's the idiot that started this trend and what was he trying to point to? The future of lameness?

Numbers As Letters - Y34H, 7H47'5 JU57 50 R34LLY C00L. And meaningful, too!

Bad Flash Vectors - With a Wacom tablet and Flash, it is now easy to create mediocre vector graphics in the blink of an eye. It's the new "style." No, wait, it's just a super easy way to draw poorly. There are good Flash vectors and there are bad Flash vectors. I'm talking about the bad ones. The ones where the illustrator has depended on the "smooth curve" or "sharp corner" properties of the pencil tool and essentially creates a lame, continuous-width stroke outline drawing. It can look cool sometimes, though, despite itself.

Super Tech Whatever - There's two versions of this: the multiple-layers photoshop "sci-fi lasers" look where everything looks like a mess in some kind of confusing, overblown futuristic environment (often fast-motion blurs are involved, tiny "computer data" type, thin lines and repeating shapes). The other version of "Super Tech Whatever" is straight Illustrator/Freehand Vectors that involve simple and repeated shapes (lots of circles), lines and many chopped up and recombined polygons with the overall effect referencing moving parts in simple machinery (like the inner workings of an audio cassette), race car lines and abstract, meaningless logo marks. Combined with some fake vector paint drips and a recognizable form, such as a hand or person, you suddenly have....

Urban Graphics - Graffiti is boring, but here's where stuff starts to look interesting. I don't mind urban graphics so much. I'm not much of a hip hop guy, so that says something, I guess.

**Many examples of the above can be found on any website where designers are invited to participate, like or

"The Art & Science of" - Falls in the category of "use other words, please." Incidentally, the phrase, "use other words, please" also falls into this category as this has become a popular put-down on thee ol' interweb lately. Also note, terms like "thee ol'" and "interweb" are equally annoying and played out, as are the terms "played out," "played," "done," "done-to-death," etc. This could go on forever, so I'll stop here.

No wait, I have one more:

"Are you married to it?" and "Well, I'm not married to it." - The phrase that has become the annoying replacement for really liking a concept (i.e. "loving it" leads to "marrying it.") Interestingly, this cutesy expression is never used in a positive declarative form such as, "I'm married to it" or "I'm married to this idea" or even, "I like that so much, I think I'll marry it!" This brings me to the conclusion, therefore, that this is nothing more than an adult evolution of the childish wisecrack, "Well, if you love it so much, why don't ya marry it?!"

Why did I bother to make that list? Because when trends come in, I'm forced to follow them to some extent for clients who think it's wicked cool. Everything has its place... but not really. If you'r copping an urban look because you're a hip hop act, maybe it's time to do something different. But, I like the Chapelle's Show graphics on Comedy Central. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm not married to anything. And I'm bored.

Monday, January 26

MUSIC + GAMES (bored but not really)

If you're like me, you're a boring person because only boring people get bored. Too old to drink like I used to without looking like a homeless person, I have decided to occupy my time with other things like candy stand and sporkle. I've never been fond of video games really, except old, old, old style arcade games like pac-man, galaga, r-type, arkanoid, etc. Thankfully, those games can be played in their all-original glory right on your computer with emulators like macmame. No more of that shitty Atari pac-man or that damn Palm Pilot "Gobble" (although, don't get me wrong, I like Gobble quite a bit on the subway-- Hardball is my new favorite, though).

Back to the point, you can find me into the wee hours of the morning sometimes playing multiplayer billiards eightball or multiplayer bowling over at the aforementioned If you find yourself up against "13" or "FU" or "PP" or "CU" or "QT" or "00," those are just a few of the names that I (along with everyone else there) have come up with for initials. If you're shooting pool at 2 am with "FU", who knows? You might just be playing me. Over at Sporkle, I happen to be obsessed by the incredibly slow-moving and hard-to-control pegball and I often play with people from New Zealand for some reason.

It's no wonder I have no free time for excitement like real-life bowling or billiards. Or even hanging out with my girlfriend mindlessly watching TV. It's like a trance. Like the old ladies at their slot machines. Just keep playing.

Also, I got something at work from Marlboro's new "record label," The Copper Label, featuring 12 songs by pop standard roots rockish Americana bands I've never heard of. But, since it mostly sounds like Swag, Wilco, New Pornographers, Richard X Heyman, Fountains of Wayne, Dandy Warhols, a lot of March Records bands and tons of other stuff I've been listening to for the last 5 or 6 years, I'd say this was a pretty good deal (free)! Sure, it would be easy to want to hate a dopey marketing gimmick slapped together by Marlboro. It would be easy to assume all the bands were talentless, soulless, faker wannabes. Frankly, it would be too easy. A cop out. And fairly disingenuous, too, since the songs are well-crafted, well-played and well, well, well, Marlboro isn't shoving rap-metal up my ass. I can see some music snobs putting this down in that superior manner only to discover years later that one of their new favorite bands was actually on that Marlboro CD. Too bad for them. Suckaz.


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